God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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