so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
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Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
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I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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