I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
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I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
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I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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