Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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