My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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