You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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