My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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