The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being pregnant is like rehab
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize