What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
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Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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