Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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