I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
we're making bets on your personal life
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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