i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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