It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
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Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
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I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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