i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
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Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
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I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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