there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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