are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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