Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
well I can't set my house on fire every night
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
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Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
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When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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