So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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