You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left an ass print on the piano.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
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