you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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