you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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