??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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