Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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