I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize