I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
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You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
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I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
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