I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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