mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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