your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Mom said you looked used
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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