Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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