Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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