So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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