i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
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I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
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this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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