Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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