God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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