I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize