he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
