I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
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How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
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I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You ruined the universe
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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