Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Randomize