you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
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Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
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Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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