She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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