Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
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I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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