Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
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Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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