I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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