It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
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No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
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Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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