Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
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she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize