it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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