If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize