Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wanna bring you to show and tell
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
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I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
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When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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