He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
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Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
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We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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