Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
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The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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