Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
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Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
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I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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