It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize